An entry with a boring title

I tread here every now and then, and I have a lot to say, but when I get this tiny screen in front of me it is all gone like it was never there. It's like when you stand up from your chair and walk to the kitchen, and when your hand touches the handle, you forget what you were looking for. Was it a cup? A specific old dish you wanted to examine? Was it food? Tea? Cookies? Some can you suddenly remembered, and wanted to read the label for some weird reason that emerged in your subconscious?

Now I do remember. At least one thing.

About length of stories. It seems that when I get an idea, I instantly know whether it is an idea for a short story, a poem, a drabble, or a full-length novel. Most ideas are shorts stories, and they are easy to handle. I would like to start working on a novel again. It's just the genres of writing that disagree with me. I can write short stories of things that are close to me, because I know I don't have to explain too much. Therefore most of my personal angst goes to short stories. Longer stories are a different case. It is good to have one's imagination run wild, yes sir I can boogie, and getting started is easy. Creating new worlds, new characters, difficult relationships between characters... I love all that. The question is: Why don't I do it all the time? Why am I not working on a story? There is an idea of interlocking stories that would melt into one eventually. It's been written on the pages of my notebook for months. For more than 4 months. It's still only 6 handwritten pages in bad handwriting. It's kind of science fiction-ish mix of different stuff. I can't write too ordinary stories. I mean, short stories can be about going to buy milk and finding the love of your life, but long ones need a better story.

Truth is, I've been thinking that I'm after all a short story person. Still I would like to give a go, write a full novel. Why am I not writing it now?

I am a lazy person. I get nothing done and still I am worried that I get nothing done. I should just get something done. A part of me feels that I am not ready yet. The puzzle isn't complete. I am not complete as a writer. I am not complete as an experiencer. I need to wait because...something is coming. I don't know what it is, but it is coming. Maybe. I think. It could be. If it isn't, I've waited in vain.

How can I make a difference as a writer?

Cream soda

As previously mentioned, I am a nonnative English speaker. Despite my relatively proficient English skills, my lack of cultural knowledge etc makes it impossible for me to actually publish anything in English without hiring a translator or consulting someone who could put my words into better words.

In my home country I could not live just by writing. The market just isn't that big. Of course I am not writing because I want to get rich, no, but I'd like to be able to focus on writing and not working another job at the same time.

Also, despite my English being imperfect, I've used English as my tool of self-expression since 2005, and every time I start writing, the language I create the story in is English. I've been trying to go towards my native language, but my brain appears to be tuned on a different frequency.

Anyway, there was also another thing I wanted to write about... Indeed, what to write about? I know I want to write, but I should learn how to write about something. I should have something to say.

The Art of Fiction

I've had this book, The Art of Fiction by David Lodge sitting in my bookshelf since 2007. I still haven't read it. I hate analysing what I read, because analysing my favourite novels at school has killed the magic, and now I see them just as chopped pieces of alphabet, and all the memories and illusions are gone. But somehow I have had the feeling that if I read what Lodge has thought of those texts in that book, I would find more things to pay attention to.

Not that I wrote to please anyone.

The book has 50 themes/topics/techniques discussed, and at times I would like to start from 1 and go to 50, read it, and write something myself based on what kinds of thoughts the texts provoked.

I should really write more.

I do have tons of blogs, but they're not the kind of stuff I would really want to write. They're just blogs. Just like this. Although I will start publishing my short rants here. Those rants being actual stories or at least pieces of non-bloggish fiction. Something short and simple.

I should stop saying "I should" and just go to "I will".

Someone should write a book called The Art of Stopping Procrastinating and Just Getting Your Fingers to Type NOW.

Introduction

The best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature

- Henry Miller

Why is it that every time I start writing about her, I start wanting her back again and again and more and more, and every time she is getting further and further away from me.

I've written dozens of stories about her. Even more stories are still in my head. Most of them are starring her. She's my inspiration.

So, hello. This is a blog where I'll be ranting about writing. I am a wanna-be writer whose friends have long since started to ignore my writings about writing in my other blog, so I could just start ranting in here... Ranting reminds me of Rant by Chuck Palahniuk, which is a book I would have liked to have written myself. Although it has nothing to do with ranting. Well, kind of. Read it and you'll know.

I am a nonnative English speaker, and therefore my texts will appear to be written by a 4-yearold whose parents gave him a computer for Christmas. Sorry about that.

I actually got my first computer when I was 18.