It starts with doors

There's thousands of ideas going through my head, but I don't write anything. The only writing I've been doing has been blogging, blogging, and some more blogging. And in addition to that, some old-fashioned diary writing.

I started my creative writing essay course. I read this book, which was really good. Oh oh, I want to learn to write really good essays. I might even like it more than fiction. Just being as talented as E.V., the author of the book, would be... awesome.

The thing is, I don't know if I have anything to say. I mean, does anyone give a shit about what I want to say?

Anyway, I should start working on a study journal for the course. And I should read these other books to get something to say about it, and and and ok let's get to work.

Getting to work

I haven't really been writing lately. 

I realise this as I've been watching a series in which one of the main characters is an aspriring writer. She writes all the time, it appears as if her imagination ran as wild as a deer in the Northern plains, and my deer is stuck in the mud.

I don't write much these days. There's just too much to do. And maybe it's because I use the computer for other stuff than writing too. In the old days it was different when I had the typewriter. I just couldn't be distracted by instant messaging on a typewriter. 

I want a typewriter. I'm really inspired to write a lot of stuff, but I just don't get anything done. There's just nothing pushing me towards writing. That will change soon, however. I will start a creative writing course tomorrow, hopefully. The first task is to write an essay. I've already decided my topic, but I need to do the background reading and analysis of that before I get to start the actual work.

I need to get something done. If I don't, I'll go crazy. 

For real.

Cream soda

As previously mentioned, I am a nonnative English speaker. Despite my relatively proficient English skills, my lack of cultural knowledge etc makes it impossible for me to actually publish anything in English without hiring a translator or consulting someone who could put my words into better words.

In my home country I could not live just by writing. The market just isn't that big. Of course I am not writing because I want to get rich, no, but I'd like to be able to focus on writing and not working another job at the same time.

Also, despite my English being imperfect, I've used English as my tool of self-expression since 2005, and every time I start writing, the language I create the story in is English. I've been trying to go towards my native language, but my brain appears to be tuned on a different frequency.

Anyway, there was also another thing I wanted to write about... Indeed, what to write about? I know I want to write, but I should learn how to write about something. I should have something to say.

Sharks

I didn't sleep too well last night. I've been having a flu coming, and last night I went to bed at 9pm, but I was still awake at 3am.

Coffee or tea?

I used to write morning pages in the past. Recently I've forgotten about them. So, here goes. The first morning page in like... a year? Or two?

This one is dedicated to the clerk in Heathrow Airport terminal godknowswhat, who sold me Chuck Palahniuk's Diary.

The Art of Fiction

I've had this book, The Art of Fiction by David Lodge sitting in my bookshelf since 2007. I still haven't read it. I hate analysing what I read, because analysing my favourite novels at school has killed the magic, and now I see them just as chopped pieces of alphabet, and all the memories and illusions are gone. But somehow I have had the feeling that if I read what Lodge has thought of those texts in that book, I would find more things to pay attention to.

Not that I wrote to please anyone.

The book has 50 themes/topics/techniques discussed, and at times I would like to start from 1 and go to 50, read it, and write something myself based on what kinds of thoughts the texts provoked.

I should really write more.

I do have tons of blogs, but they're not the kind of stuff I would really want to write. They're just blogs. Just like this. Although I will start publishing my short rants here. Those rants being actual stories or at least pieces of non-bloggish fiction. Something short and simple.

I should stop saying "I should" and just go to "I will".

Someone should write a book called The Art of Stopping Procrastinating and Just Getting Your Fingers to Type NOW.

Introduction

The best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature

- Henry Miller

Why is it that every time I start writing about her, I start wanting her back again and again and more and more, and every time she is getting further and further away from me.

I've written dozens of stories about her. Even more stories are still in my head. Most of them are starring her. She's my inspiration.

So, hello. This is a blog where I'll be ranting about writing. I am a wanna-be writer whose friends have long since started to ignore my writings about writing in my other blog, so I could just start ranting in here... Ranting reminds me of Rant by Chuck Palahniuk, which is a book I would have liked to have written myself. Although it has nothing to do with ranting. Well, kind of. Read it and you'll know.

I am a nonnative English speaker, and therefore my texts will appear to be written by a 4-yearold whose parents gave him a computer for Christmas. Sorry about that.

I actually got my first computer when I was 18.